Having cosmetic surgery to improve a bodily feature only for looks would be totally out of the question for me. However, I have a NEED for reconstruction of the ears.

I never paid much attention to the outside part of my ears. Glad to have them, I considered them to be acceptably common and workable and that was good enough for me--until mask mandates arrived. My ears are mounted too low on the sides of my head. Even when I tighten the mask loops, the upper edge of the mask rides on the tip of my nose, not above it where it should be in order to block a sneeze totally.

Another flaw is their floppiness. With only cartilage, no bones, ears are not stiff enough to keep the elastic in place. They gradually bend forward, allowing the mask to move out of proper position.

Before submitting to surgery, I went for a second opinion, from me.

Maybe there is a non-invasive way to fix the problem.

I have seen devil costumes that include enlarged and pointed ears that can be mounted over the real things. The smart, wonderful people who make artificial hands, legs, and other important body parts should be able to design prosthetic ears that snap on and off.

For a better fit, the ears probably should be custom designed rather than produced in batches of small, medium, and large. Not only the size but also other features would surely come up for consideration. Mine, for instance, as referred to above--I want separate tracks built-in at the top where the ear would fit against the head to accommodate adequately the earpiece and elastic. Stiffening could be built in to keep the ears from bending too easily and releasing the elastic.

Not a must, but if an inconspicuous hole could be included in the artificial earlobes, earrings might be worn now and then to add a little interest to the blank face covering. I feel sure there are additional adaptations that I wouldn’t think of that might be appreciated by other wearers.

As I pondered my problem, an old, old rhyme came to mind. I know not the origin, but somebody, way back when was dealing with troublesome ear variations that raised questions for him, or her, too. It goes something like this:

Do your ears hang low, do they waddle to and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?

Can you toss them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier?

Do your ears hang low?