The best way to drive in Bowling Green is when you’re on your way, find a median, get in it, then head back home.

Bowling Green drivers are basically just like us, except when they start their vehicle, their brains seep out into the floorboards.

It’s the only place in the world where they will run over your grandma to beat a yellow light but drop to a creep to get through a green.

The line for an intersection will be backed up to the end of time, but when the light turns green the line leaders think it’s a wonderful time to feather it through the intersection like they’re royalty.

No. Smash the gas princess, us peasants in the back would like to make it through too.

Also, you don’t have to wait on the car in front of you to make it through, multiple cars can go at once, it’s wild I know.

The problem is, people have forgotten what the horn is for. It’s not to warn people of impending danger. It’s not to say hello to dear friends. Its purpose is to tell the car in front of you to stop being such a waste of oxygen and GO.

I love the roads where two lanes merge into one. People blow by you knowing good and well the lane is going to merge thinking you’ll let them in.

Not me. Not ever.

I will ride beside you and wave as I take you straight into oncoming traffic.

You knew the risk, you took the gamble, sometimes you roll snake eyes. You better believe, if you pass twenty cars and land beside me trying to merge, you rolled snake eyes.

If it snows they will act like every street is I-65 but let one drop of rain hit their windshield and it’s 15mph and hazard lights.

I don’t get it.

I have a list of things I’d rather do than fight Bowling Green traffic that includes activities such as walking a mile on a path made of Legos, drinking a bottle of magnesium citrate on Taco Tuesdays, and listening to Taylor Swift songs on repeat.

With the Holiday season right around the corner, I leave you with this advice, Amazon.

The Chief is an upstanding citizen of Logan County who has mastered the craft of satire for the entertainment of his fellow civilians. You may let him know how much you love him at chiefofoakdale@gmail.com.